I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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