there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
