first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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