We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
