The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
