I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
