I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
