absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
