What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
