If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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