Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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