I just saw a hot homeless man
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
