Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
