I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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