Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
