Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
