I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
