it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Enjoy the penises
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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