Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
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I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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