My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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