last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
