i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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