So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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