shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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