He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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