The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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