I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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