The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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