Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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