she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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