Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
