I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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