Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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