i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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