They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
