We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo