You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other