k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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