Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So vagazzling was a success
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
