id be glad to
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
