Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
