Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
