i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
