Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
