You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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