I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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