Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize