I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
