i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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