I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
