I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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