It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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