Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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