Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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