chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize