somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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