I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
