I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
