Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
