I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
