i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so much tequila, so little girl.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
