Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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