I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize