She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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