I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
