She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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