its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Little spoons don't ask big questions
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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