Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
